Chowder's poem EPIC FAIL
by Thelastgreatrocker18
Summary: Chowder screws up when his teacher asks him to write a simple four line poem.
1. Chapter 1

The teacher smiled as she looked at the poem Chowder had made. She had asked him to write a simple four-line poem about worms and flowers. But he had taken it a step farther and made a truly excellent free-verse poem. When she looked at the poem she smiled, this poem was a small bit above what a simple 8-year old could do.

_Eat the people, that's all they are good for_

_Then step into the world of cheese, that's right, walk this way_

_Walk down the aisles of the movie theater of life and know that g-o-d spells god_

_The people ride snakes instead of cars, and the drive ins are crowded_

_The drive-in movie reminds me of snake pits I see in museums_

_Weird pink bunnies dance in front of my stone dead head_

_The blue elephants try desperately to tell me the future of mankind_

_What is the future I asked, they don't answer, they vanish_

_Now I guess I'm all alone inside an igloo in the center of the sun_

_When I die could you please burn my winter coat_

_There are secrets and fifty dollar bills inside that you shouldn't know_

_But finally my love and the meaning of life has come to me_

_My house has burnt down, it was made of wood coming from a tree_

_But perhaps it is the pink daffodils fault that I am messed up as I am_

_If the daffodils would leave me alone I'd know where I stand_

_The democracy of the pink cauliflowers on the sun is more than I can bear_

_I'm going bald, I'm losing sight, I can't see my own hair_

_The pink cauliflowers have long since withered and died_

_The daffodils turn black and leave the blindspot of my boiling eyes_

_My house's wood turned into bricks and started magically building itself again_

_At last my love has gotten tired, and has deserted me_

_Thank you for burning my secrets and my stolen money that I stole from zeusadite_

_My igloo has since fallen into a black hole and reappeared on Jupiter_

_I've found out that the future is dim and evil and doesn't exist_

_The blue elephants tell me that the bunnies have the future, but they won't give it up_

_The bunnies stop dancing and begin to kick my little head_

_I ride the snakes gentle coiling as I watch the movie_

_Yeah, feels nice, like an easy chair almost, mmmmmmmmm_

_Orgasmic pleasure as I ride the snakes gentle movements_

_As I ride the pleasure train the hours tick by slowly on their acid heart beats_

_The snakes are happy as I ride their scaly and cold bodies_

_I feel like I'm sitting on a lake of pure tranquility_

_Hmmmmm, feels so good to float on the snake pit_

_The bones in the snakes rub gently against my back and it feels like a massge_

_The snake pit has taken away my cares_

_The people leave their snakes cause the snakes won't leave me_

_The snakes know that I am an innocent man, and they will take care of me_

_The snakes take control of the world to keep their new baby man safe and warm_

The teacher liked the poem that her student had made. Yet the poem met none of the criteria she set. It wasn't four lined, it didn't rhyme, and it wasn't about worms and flowers. Therefore, she had no choice but to give the poem an F.


	2. Chapter 2

**The teacher smiled as she looked at the next poem Chowder had made. This time she had asked the students to write a short little limerick, instead Chowder had written another free verse poem, and the teacher had. Once again, given him an F.**

_The earth snake was cut in half by an enterprising man with a sword_

_And then the man stared at what he had done without knowing the consequences_

_The sacred snake that protected the earth for so long opened his eye_

_And the man couldn't help but be hypnotized by the purplish orange freak_

_The odd scene should have been admired by many for many years to come_

_But instead the snake died and the creature he was guarded was released_

_The door behind the snake opened and a puff of pink smoke climbed out_

_The man Was helpless as the smoke engulfed him, suffocated him, and choked him_

_The smoke robbed the life from the man and started to laugh_

_The smoke cloud would make sure that all would feel his wrath_

_But then the council of red and orange broccoli from mars intervened_

_They used their infinite power to grab a cup of water from the dew on the moon_

_Then they sprinkled the water on the snakes wound and healed it_

_The snake shut his eye, which was a sign that he was now alive_

_Then the snake rattled his tail and the smoke beast knew he had been defeated_

_The pink beast knew he had been destroyed so he climbed back into the wooden door_

_The snake was happy and as a result started to dance around_

_But to the unfortunate people above the ground_

_The people felt a gigantic earth quake_

_And many sacred shrines to the earth snake found themselves desecrate_

_But the snake didn't care, he kept jumping around_

_Moving the earth and shaking the ground_

_The democracy of the pink cauliflowers has intervened in a second life_

_This life is truly one born for many days of strife_

_The pink evil fruit decide to play a game of love_

_And so they gave a magical low fat chocolate bar into the tentacles of a dove_

_The dove gave the chocolate bar to a girl named panini_

_But she shared a bit with her best friend ceviche_

_Ceviche fell in love with panini but panini fell for chowder_

_The cauliflower were baking a plan and they needed baking powder_

_So they decided that for the sake of all not involved_

_They would hire a razorback minion to chop of all their balls_

_But perhaps the sacred cauliflower made a big mistake_

_When they realized that the subject they tried to torment was gay_

_So they made him fat and unattractive to get the lovesick girl off his back_

_But they made him too fat and he had a heart attack_

_But the girl loved him and she nursed him back to health_

_The game of love is murder, and endive kills for wealth_

_The racecar driver of the universe looks behind him_

_Only to find that the pink cauliflowers are right behind him, oooohhhhhh_

_The pink cauliflowers meet each other in their sacred gas station bathroom_

_And they decided on a plan of action_

_They say that they plan on executing all that they have affected_

_They know that their plan has failed in every possible way_

_First dear ceviche was killed by a gunshot to the head_

_Than dear panini was poisoned and made dead_

_The mung daal was next in line_

_The cauliflower strangled schnitzel with a fishing line_

_Then chowder was killed when he digested poisoned broccoli_

_Then the town was nuked by the democracy of the cauliflower_


	3. Chapter 3

**Mung daal frowned as he saw the poem that Chowder had written. The teacher said that Chowder had written a lot of these odd poems and that he should have a talk with him about it.**

For a second or two I was sitting on top of the world

It was magical when it happened but after it was a blur

For the rest of the day I started to dream

I imagined the souls and their screams

To eat the world is to eat everybody

Molding the earth just like it is made of putty

I was born a simple senators son

Now I burn in the harsh light of the sun

I want to eat the world

Maybe I'll go on a talk show to tell my tale

Of when the almighty world was old and frail

And I used my tongue and I licked the ocean blue

Oh I have such amazing things to tell you

When I was a little boy a dream went In my mind

It haunted me all the time

I had a dream that I would eat the entire world

And swallow it like a big black swirl

I want to eat the world

Eating the world gives me pleasure

I force the servants to give me their treasure

I protected the queen for so long

Now is the time to do what I want

I've come to terms with how I will never be the son of a king

But my appeal Is that I can do anything

That's why the senators handed me the world

That's why i can eat the world

The japanese queen opens up her heart

She puts her tears on a canvas and says that it's art

I was put in charge of bodyguarding her daughter

But giving her to me is like giving lamb to the slaughter

I am slaughter and I am the wolf

I kill the lambs and I don't care if they choke

Maybe the world will forgive me

But I wouldn't blame it if it condemned me

I want to eat the world

To care is to die and to die is to live

You have taken too much and now you must give

Power and prosper into the night

You will all lose the unwinable fight

This is the blackest and evilest night

I ate the world


	4. Chapter 4

Our children our missing, they are missing

Were they kidnapped, or are they just French kissing

Our children are gone, and we don't know where they've gone

And we don't care in our hearts, we just pretend so we can be on t.v.

But our children our missing, maybe we should do something about it

But we can't deal right now, our show is on right now

Maybe if we wait a few minutes our children will come back

This missing phase will never ever come back again

Because our children are missing

Maybe if we swallow our big fat pride and begin to lie

We will adopt some snakes and pretend they are our kids

Maybe people will buy the story

We'll say the scientists turned them into the snakes

Our children are missing, yes they are missing

Swallowed up by something I can't see

I took a look at a rod made of paper

A guy told me it used to be a tree

Now it is full of missing children signs

Why are our children missing

Where did our children go

Did they leave because it started to snow

Because our children are missing

They didn't buy my little white lie

Though I'd tried to sell it they didn't buy

They didn't buy the story

I told them my children were now snakes

Our children were taxed too much by the government

They took them away so they could pay

They gave us drugs and alcohol

And we sat and drank the night away

Then while we were asleep at night

They sent CIA agents who took our kids away

They made them work in diamond mines to pay the taxes they couldn't pay

The old people don't pay the taxes

The taxes are placed on the young

The government called me crazy

They put me in the insane ward

They let me keep my kids who are snakes now

And I don't have to pay taxes no more


	5. Chapter 5

The clock will strike six times more than twice  
I told you that it would strike six times more than twice  
The eggs on your head will hatch that were laid by magic head lice  
When the clock strikes six times more than twice

The ship is made of see through plastic  
And it may be a little bit drastic  
If we think bout getting inside the ship made of plastic  
But now were thinking about getting inside the ship made of plastic  
See through plastic, baby

The dragon walks into the middle of the lake  
The dragon steps into the deserted lake  
Her mind control state makes her forget that she already drank  
Yes, she already drank from the side of the lake  
And now she is drowning in the middle of the lake  
Yes, she is drowning in the lake, baby

The killer contemplated what he had just done  
Inside the light of the son  
He went to the police and confessed what he had done  
Yes, he went to the police and confessed what he had done

The dragon hypnotized the dragon in the lake to drown  
Yes, the dragon force the dragon in the lake to drown  
And she didn't have to make a sound  
She didn't make a sound when she made the dragon drown  
And the dragon drowned with her parents nowhere to be found

The bodyguard was hired to quench the girls desires  
Yes, the bodyguard was hired to quench the girls desired  
But he couldn't do his job and he was fired  
No, he couldn't do his job and he was fired

He walked down the empty streets  
He ate all the people that he would meet  
He was a hungry man in need of fresh meat  
That's why he eats all the people that he will ever meet  
He's a fat man who loves to eat, baby.

He drinks the wine made from the blood of the clock  
The wine satisfies his thirst as he continues to walk  
Yes, he loves the wine made from the blood of the clock  
He walks through the door without a knock  
Cause he rides on the dying clock  
And saturates himself with the blood as he continues to stalk  
You awake to see him in the room riding on the clock  
You are too cold to run, so you walk  
But you are no match for the blood of the clock

The dragons body was found in the lake  
It was found by the snake  
The ancient and old snake  
He found her while swimming inside the lake  
The lake that was younger than the snake  
7 million years the snake was baked  
1 little day was the age of the lake  
It was younger than the snake  
The snake found the dragon in the center of the lake

The hamster had a name but now he's dead  
The hamster's name was fred  
But it doesn't matter because he is dead

The dragon was hypnotized  
That is the reason why she had to die  
Because she was feeling hypnotised  
And what about the dragon who caused her to die  
No tears were ever cried  
No tears were cried when both dragons died

The clock strikes twelve two times a day  
The first chime is for the dragon who died inside the lake  
It's her voice that screams at us to remember her  
The last chime of the day  
Is for the dragon who killed her  
Doomed to dwell in the place that she is afraid  
She is terrified and as a punishment will be confined  
Every tick and every tock that comes out of the clock is a creature that died in the lake  
Lots of creatures died inside of that evil lake  
And the clock ticks so we remember them  
It is all that really matters in the end


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning, the following poem contains necrophilia, cannibalism, and numerous other sick actions and thoughts. Not for the squeamish.**

Bodies are deformed and the alive are dekapitated

Children boiling the bodies for food

The landscape is polluted by toxic gas

Rip out a persons skin and place it over your mouth to survive

Then you will break out in large tumors

Your body will ache and wound and scar

And then you will die slowly for fifty years

And then you will watch your corpse get eaten by your own kid

You are so bitter and so drunk on your own vomit

Describe a process of pain guillotine

Walk through the graveyard to remember your family

Then cry at the fact that they are dead

Your husband is a bitter man and your boyfriend is innocent

Attracted to the rough and bitter hateful man

You stab the sweetheart in the lung

Then you rip out his heart and eat it with your husband

Watch the man die of asphixiation

Curiosity got the best of your mind

Your body is forcing you to comply

Walk through the river of the dead diseased freaks

To get to the gate on the other side

Where you will find a sleeping child

The last innocent soul to be corrupted

Get into the glass cage with him to corrupt him

When you do you will take his place

Everything in the world is dead

The people don't care anymore

Chomp out the inner guts of family members

Nobody left to testify because nobody wants to care

I'm a young mind if you look developmentally

But in experience and horrendous actions i'm not

Destroy all and remember nothing

No remorse or repentance to be found

Innocence lost as you get eaten by wolves

Alive while they nibble at your intestines

Never again to close your eyes

Never die and watch your corpse as it rots

Then you will fall into eternal darkness

When the bugs eat your eyes

As a young child you are afraid of the dark

You scream for eternity yet nobody can hear you

I'm not a man I am an undead

Never was I born yet I live

Today I take you on in hell

And I will bring you back to the real world

So you can see what has become of it

Everybody is a cannabal

Watch them chew human gristle slowly

Farms farm humans for food

Look at them now

Look at me as I fall into the abyssal plains

My life is lost without a name

Kill all and perform necrophilia

Dead bodies are the only thing that thrills me

Headless corpses are fun to touch

They don't fight back when I abuse them

And then I can have sexual intercourse

With their open cut where their head used to be


	7. Chapter 7

What do you do when your house of gold

Burns down to the ground

And what do you do when your dreams are sold

Forced to hear the cha ching sound

And why are you still listening to me

Do you think I have something important to say

And why do you continue to believe

Do you think that tomorrow is a new day

The house is made of golden dreams and desires

But it's too far to reach with mortal means

To reach the house you must go through 50 feet of holy fire

As you walk you will realize your hopes and dreams

And one day the dogmas of life will be written in stone

And everybody will find a way to get along

That day will come and I'll watch from my gold home

And wait for the day of the infinity song

Maybe one day I'll find my way back to my house

But first I must understand the animalism philosophy

And I will come back to earth with my soul in a mouse

And wishing that the world would be kind to me

But you know that I'm powerless to the pull of the cheese

And I don't know it's attached to a trap

When I see the jaws of death unfold around me

As I get eaten by a small house cat

Back home and I'm whole once again

It makes me wonder whether my adventure was real

Maybe it wasn't and I'm just insane

Or maybe it was avoidance cause I'm afraid to feel

I was hurt too many times when I was a lot younger

And I didn't think the world was very friendly

Then the boy grew up and became a hunter

Scouting for ways to bring about change completely

Too lazy to try to change the human race

I preach about activeness while doing nothing

When someone else makes a change I show my face

I claim that I was the one who inspired everything

And when I wake up I'm always crying

Maybe there's a reason for my tears

Sometimes I think I just want to go home

Who knows why I go and try to find a friend

It's not always my desire to remain alone

But what if I know nothing about love when I'm at the end

Personal afterlifes are exactly what you want

But what you want is not always what you truly need

I want a nice house and family to haunt

I want to go back once again just to breathe

Oh what a happy day when I go back down

When the world tempts me by going around

Is it me or am I insane

My mind was lost while playing the game

Oh dear lord why do you do this to me

Left me to fall down cut myself on a tree

Why am I still alive in the sky

When everyone I know and loved has died

I guess we've reached the final lines of the song

Though I believe it has been a waste of time

Maybe if I were to change it just a little

Make the words here actually rhyme

Find a way to help keep the music in time

Give it a unique style so I can call it mine

Oh well I guess it's over

I thought maybe I'd have something more to talk about


End file.
